Some of the Better Celebrity Sightings I’ve Had in Los Angeles
Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra, at Fatburger, at 2am.
Shaquille O’Neal, in my rearview mirror, outside Jerry’s, at 2am.
Kiefer Sutherland, complaining about v-neck t-shirts at American Apparel.
Kevin Dillon, punching my friend in the face.
The entire cast of Friends, just walking down Sunset.
Steve Nash, Amar’e Stoudemire and Shawn Marion, just walking down Wilshire.
Jessica Alba, in the lobby of my old office.
Joan Collins, in line at Book Soup.
Lew Wasserman, at a corner table at Dan Tana’s.
Los Angeles Taco Meats, in Order
22. Tripa
21. Molleja
20. Lengua
19. Cabeza
18. Calamari
17. Tofu
16. Soyrizo
15. Pollo
14. Pescado
13. Camarón
12. Chicharrón
11. Papa
10. Cochinita pibil
9. Al pastor
8. Mole poblano
7. Carne asada
6. Carnitas
5. Pork belly
4. Suadero
3. Korean short rib
2. Buche
1. Birria
Baby listicle without commentary: article titles in the current issue of The Conservative Teen Magazine
5. The Declaration of Independence And What It Expects From You!
4. Why Abstinence Works & How It Can Work For You!
3. Glee: Songs, Sex, & Sleaze
2. Ronald Regan [sic!], Our First Black President?
1. Understanding Liberals
(Yes, it’s a real thing.) (via)
Things I can hear from my living room, in order of frequency.
- Reveille, every morning at 8am, loud, from somewhere across Hyperion.
- Helicopters, landing at the hospital, or chasing criminals, or flying in some kind of military procession.
- Opera. Origin unknown.
- Machetes, “pruning” the bushes, weekly.
- Someone practicing the panpipes, Saturdays after 2am, from the very large house across the street that’s up on top of a hill.
- Ed and Lotta, arguing.
- Whoever the name band playing at Sunset Junction is.
Triples, in order
111: binary seven
222: rifle caliber
333: Donlin’s average
444: unread Gmails
555: fake prefix
666: evil beast
777: big jackpot
888: free call
999: Cain plan
Things to be west of, in order of longitude:
- Zanzibar
- Rome
- the Hudson
- the Mississippi
- the Alamo
- the 405
